


this is how it ends

by AroJade (AlleyCatSunflower)



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Character Death In Dream, Drama, F/M, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmare, Not Canon Compliant, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2020-03-13 08:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18937495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlleyCatSunflower/pseuds/AroJade
Summary: Something is wrong with the way things are working out, but there's nothing Sheena can do about it as Zelos betrays the party and stays behind, forcing them to end his life. How can Sheena bear losing him like this? Follows the events of Kratos's route in the context of Zelos's route. Contains near-endgame spoilers.





	this is how it ends

"Zelos! You traitor!"

Sheena started as though Lloyd's yell had shattered a long silence, but she distinctly remembered that in the tiny eternity since Zelos had stepped across that invisible line towards Cruxis, the air had been filled with words. Quiet truths, fierce denial, aggressive shouts; all manner of words had been exchanged, but Sheena felt like no language could convey the torrent of feelings rushing through her: grief, fury, and dawning horror were all tempered by numb shock, and all were wordless.

"It's so funny that you would say that," said Zelos, sneering. "It's not like you trusted me in the first place." Sheena frowned spasmodically, this time in confusion. It felt as though there was a set pattern of events, intended to unfold in a certain way—and that this deviated somehow from what was meant to be.

This couldn't end well.

"Betray you? How amusing," said Pronyma, and Sheena longed (automatically clenching her fists) to scratch the triumph off her arrogant face. "Zelos was  _our_ spy from the very beginning. Isn't that right, Zelos?"

"Is that true?" asked Lloyd, sounding as though Pronyma had sucked all available air out of the room. Even he, with all his instinctive optimism, was beginning to realize the magnitude of what this betrayal meant.

"It's not true, is it?" asked Colette, and the tears in her eyes were audible in her voice—barely above a whisper—carrying through the hall. "Please say that she's lying."

Scorn flashed across Zelos's face, and Sheena took a deep breath, deliberately strangling her own hope. It would be only a moment before it was more cruelly put out. Extinguishing that fragile light herself, quickly and purposefully, was a far more merciful death than what Zelos would do to it. He would rip it apart and take it away, piece by piece, if she let him. (Just like her heart.)

"I side with the strongest," announced Zelos, and—despite her attempts to keep herself out of harm's way—Sheena winced at his confirmation of Pronyma's words. "It was a simple matter of weighing the Renegades, Cruxis, and all of you."  _So he didn't believe in us._ Sheena had never been one to be offended by others' lack of faith in her; only Corrine had ever stood by her without question, so she had learned to put little stock in others' opinions. Why did it feel like Zelos had stabbed her when he said her group— _she_ —wasn't adequate? Why did he always need so many other options?

"You were leaking information to the Renegades, too?" exclaimed Sheena furiously, taking a step forward automatically, but Lloyd held her back gently before she could run up to Zelos and throttle him herself. "I can't believe you!" She met Zelos's eyes desperately, hoping against hope that she would be able to convince him to reconsider. They had known one another for years now, and had Sheena not forced herself to prioritize her duty above all else, she might even have…

Sheena's thoughts froze as she took in Zelos's expression. His eyes were cold and blank, and he gazed at her with such absolute indifference that Sheena found herself unable to breathe. Eventually, she bowed her head, unable to bear looking at him any longer. "You were always a pervert, but I never doubted that you were a good person when it came down to it."

It had been Zelos that had found her dying in an alley five years ago, and taken her into his house until she was healed—and he who had calmed her out of a nightmare about Volt that same night. It had been he who had given her her beloved pink sash, and he who had unconditionally provided her with a place to call home, even if only for a few days at a time in between her travels.

Glancing up again, Sheena found Zelos smiling, and her heart almost stopped. Had she gotten through to him? However, upon further examination, there was something off about his grin, something distant, something almost pained. Before Sheena could wonder if she had somehow gotten through to him, changed him back somehow, Zelos closed his eyes and said, "Why thank you, my sweet, voluptuous honey."

Sheena's eyes widened, stinging with unspilled tears, as Zelos turned his back on her. Part of her dared to hope that he found himself unable to look at her any longer, that some small piece of him was remorseful, that something in him remembered the day that they had fallen asleep in the sunshine together, and that he had kissed her awake.

_Maybe I love—_

Sheena choked the thought before the final word appeared in her mind. It would only make the inevitable more painful if she allowed herself to put into words what she knew, deep down, to be true. Words were a way of immortalizing truth; maybe, if she just prevented herself from saying it, even internally, it would cease to be true… or at least be a little more forgettable when all was said and done.

"But in the end, I choose this side, because Mithos promised to release me from my fate as a Chosen of Mana." Zelos did not turn around again as he spoke, though his voice was steady and his head held as high as ever.

Regal cleared his throat slightly, and his voice was calm, if incredulous. "You hate being the Chosen so much that you would betray your friends?"

Sheena smiled a little to herself, humorlessly, remembering the day she had accompanied Zelos on the Chosen's rite of passage, acting as his bodyguard at his request. That was the first time Sheena had ever heard him reveal how much he despised his own life, the day he had told her that she was one of the only reasons he still wanted to live. What had happened to him—to them—over the past few years?

"Oh yeah I do," replied Zelos, with characteristic conviction, though still refusing to face them (Sheena thought she saw his head droop slightly). "It's because of that title that my life has been a total joke. I can't stand it. I can't wait for Seles to become the Chosen instead."

"You're lying!" exclaimed Lloyd fiercely, and Zelos turned his head, visibly surprised. Sheena found herself praying to any god that would hear her that Zelos would return to them as Lloyd continued, "I still trust you, you hear me?! You're the one that told me I could trust you!"

But Sheena felt distinctly as though a knife, already buried deep in her heart, twisted a little as Zelos said contemptuously, turning once more to the angels before him, "What are you, stupid?"

Taking a deep breath, Sheena shut her ears, forcing herself to focus on what their options were now, and not the voices of Zelos and Pronyma conspiring… or Colette's desperate shouts for Lloyd… or the anguished way Lloyd looked at her as she disappeared—so similar to the way she looked at Zelos.

As the angels departed, Zelos sighed, the first indication of any regret, but that was quickly erased as he turned, descending the steps towards the group with an unnervingly distant smile on his face.

"So… this is how it ends."

Horror thrilled through Sheena as she recognized once and for all what was going to happen. She longed to run to Zelos and embrace him, and tell him that this was wrong, that it never should have come to this. But she was firmly rooted to the spot, and her voice was so constricted she never could have gotten the words out in time.

Lloyd took a step forward. "Why, Zelos? You were our friend!"  _My best human friend for years,_ Sheena's heart cried out.  _Why would you do this to me?_

"Friend, huh?" asked Zelos scornfully. "I never did get you to trust me, though."

Sheena stared at Lloyd as he murmured, "That was," before trailing off—clearly trying to justify whatever it was that had transpired between them. Distress punched her in the gut three times in quick succession: once that Lloyd had not had faith in Zelos; once that he had been right not to do so; and once that Zelos had not trusted  _her_ , confided in her like he used to.

"Don't feel bad about it," interrupted Zelos. "I did deceive you, after all."

"There's got to be some sort of explanation for all this," said Lloyd, shaking his head. "This is just another joke, right?"

Zelos laughed, and Sheena felt chilled to the bone not because of its humorlessness, but because there  _was_ humor in it—a dark, twisted sort of fun that had never appealed to Zelos before. Something within him had snapped; something, some indeterminate time ago, had shifted between them. Sheena cursed herself for failing to read the signs sooner.

"I don't know what to tell you," chuckled Zelos. "I'm just a weak, lazy bum." A golden light enveloped him, and Sheena cried out, but her voice formed no comprehensible words. "All I want is a fun, easy life," continued Zelos, by now grinning outright. "That's it. Nothing more, nothing less!" His wings fluttered out, sparkling and golden, and Sheena gasped. She had forgotten that Zelos, too, was an angel.

Zelos unsheathed his sword, throwing his shield onto his arm a moment later. "Might as well go all out, right?" he asked, a direct mockery of Lloyd's traditional rallying cry, and met Lloyd's eyes with a smirk.

Lloyd grit his teeth as though the words were as painful as a physical attack. "You bastard!"

Sheena wished she could do anything, say anything—but her mind was racing too fast for her body to keep up. It was all she could do to take out her cards and pray that she somehow wouldn't have to do what she knew she must, that the battle could somehow be avoided, or at least postponed. Sheena stared at Zelos with as hard a gaze as she could manage, demanding silently that he stop, but he would not look at her.

"You can call me whatever you like," said Zelos, taking a somewhat nonchalant battle stance, "but it's not going to change anything. Are you ready?" Refusing to allow her bitter tears to fall in front of her leader as he checked that his team was battle-ready, she stood as still as a statue, wishing any number of impossible things.

She found herself wavering for that silent moment in fierce denial of the situation. Was it really worth it to stay with the group, when Zelos, who seemed so confident, was on the other side? Zelos, who had been a loyal friend and ally for years—wouldn't it be right for her to join him, to fight and die at his side as they had once sworn they would do for one another? But Lloyd's voice crashed into her thoughts, inciting the group to battle, and she chose to trust him as Zelos never had.

That was how it began.

Throughout the entire, half-blurred battle, Sheena forced herself to think only of defeating the nameless angel in front of them, the man who had so completely deceived them, who had handed the world's last chance over to the enemy. Thoughts of Zelos Wilder were forbidden from entering her head as she lent the help she owed to Lloyd, the one she had accepted as her leader what seemed like such a long time ago.

As Sheena replenished her mana exhaustedly an eternity later, thick smoke from some spell gone awry clouded the hall-turned-battlefield. Somehow, while the other members of her group were searching for him in the clouds of gray, Zelos found her. Not the nameless angel Sheena had been fighting, but Zelos Wilder, hair disheveled, headband missing, wings flickering in and out, clothing torn.

He drew close to her, eyes dull, and Sheena could do nothing, knowing in her heart why he had approached. Zelos closed the gap between them quickly, embracing her roughly, and half-sobbed, half-whispered in her ear to finish the fight. Sheena shoved him away from her, repulsed, but as he staggered back with no resistance, she stepped forward and pulled Zelos into a desperate hug instead, her eyes finally overflowing with long-suppressed tears. Where had his spirit gone?

Acting on pure instinct, and realizing in the depths of her soul that this truly was the end, Sheena brought Zelos's face down and kissed him full on the mouth.

It was a brief kiss, born of despair and feelings Sheena had neither the time nor voice to tell, and could never be enough. Accepting her kiss, but not returning it, Zelos pushed the hilt of his short sword into Sheena's hand, and she broke away to stare down at it. There was no choice. Stepping back and lifting up the blade, Sheena stared at it for a moment, gathering her strength as the others' voices drew closer.

"Hurry," murmured Zelos, and the gentleness of his tone was the last straw. How could he speak to her like that after all he had done to them? Taking a deep breath, Sheena made the best of her anger, and plunged the sword to the hilt into his bared chest.

As hot, dark liquid soaked her hand, Sheena let out a muffled scream, and she hardly heard Lloyd's shouted question as to whether she was all right as she hid her face in her hands, sobbing like she had never done before.

"Th-that was pretty good," said Zelos, and Sheena forced herself to quiet down in order to hear him. Peeking through her fingers unwillingly, she saw that he was looking at her with something like affection.  _But even if he did love me, I wasn't enough to keep him here._

"Zelos," began Lloyd, but was interrupted.

"It's okay," said Zelos. "To tell you the truth, I was getting pretty tired of living anyway."  _You're one of the only reasons I'm alive now, Sheena Fujibayashi._ His words came floating back to her from the past, echoing in the hall of the church.  _My role as Chosen is just a fancy name for 'pawn'. I'll never be free to live my own life. But you… make me feel free._ So what had changed?

"Don't talk like that!"

Zelos was evidently in no mood to listen. "Oh yeah, about Colette," he gasped, wincing. "She's below, in the Hall of the Great Seed. Make sure you save her." He gave a small smile, which was quickly overtaken by a grimace.

"Wh-why did you fight us?!" exclaimed Lloyd furiously.

"Because… my life was a mistake," panted Zelos. "But… once I'm—gone… Seles might—be happier and—they'll finally let her out of that abbey…" Sheena wished she could stop sobbing long enough to scream at him that Seles wasn't worth his life, that no one was, but her voice would not cooperate.

"Don't tell me that's why you…" Lloyd trailed off, clearly horrified, but Zelos only let out a chuckle that quickly turned into a painful cough.

"Nah… That's just a bonus." He drew a final, shuddering breath, and Sheena gasped in realization that there were only a few more seconds before she'd be completely alone.  _Don't go!_  "Make sure—you destroy—my Cruxis—Crys—tal," he rasped, before letting out a last sigh, breath halting forever as his eyes closed.

Sheena was unable to suppress an anguished scream any longer, and lost track of everything that was happening: nothing seemed to matter anymore. Somewhere inside her, she knew with absolute certainty that things should have gone differently; this was never meant to have happened. Clapping a trembling hand over her mouth, and feeling ashamed for having lost her cool in front of the rest of the group, Sheena brushed off a hand on her shoulder—it might have been Lloyd's—and knelt next to Zelos's body.

It took almost a full minute for her to find the courage to extend her hand towards the chest she had helped still and peel off his Cruxis Crystal. Staring into its shiny depths, Sheena closed her eyes stickily for a moment, debating what to tell the final remnant of his consciousness. Finally, she settled on croaking, "Damned idiot," and threw the Cruxis Crystal as hard as she could onto the ground, shattering the last memento she would have had of Zelos Wilder.

Her surroundings pulsed black suddenly as the fragments of broken, glimmering red danced in her vision before they too were absorbed into the shadows. Sheena flailed, crying out, before she wondered whether this was what death was like, and felt a strange solace in the idea. Though she had more to live for than Zelos Wilder, the fact that she had not told him verbally how she truly felt before he died was enough to make her wish she could follow him and talk to him just once more.

Silencing herself, and waiting patiently for death to claim her once and for all, Sheena prayed she would end up in the same place as Zelos—be that heaven or otherwise. But she stopped her fervent, closed-eyed whispers as she became gradually aware of a voice, murmuring urgently in her ears. She shook her head slightly to dispel it, wishing it would just leave her alone and let her die properly, but someone kissed her suddenly on the lips, and Sheena's eyes shot open.

Before they could see anything but a too-close silhouette edged in moonlight, however, Sheena was immediately enveloped in a gentle, strong, somehow familiar embrace. Sheena tried to push whatever it was away weakly, but halted as she touched a familiar, metallic lump on the bare chest.

She froze, heartbeat seemingly stopping and quickening at the same time, and raised a tremulous hand to be sure of what he had felt. That was Zelos's Cruxis Crystal, the same one she had just destroyed! Wresting herself from his grasp with newfound strength, Sheena brought her hand up to his forehead just to make sure: that was the headband she had given him as a thank-you present when they had first met. This was Zelos Wilder, back again, warm and strong and healthy.

"Oh my gods," said Sheena breathlessly, clutching him tightly (ignoring the fact that he apparently wasn't wearing a shirt) and relishing the feel of his heart beating steadily beneath her ear. "You—you're alive!"

"Can't get rid of me, honey," laughed Zelos, and Sheena felt indescribably safe within his muscular arms, laughing dizzily from sheer relief. The nightmare had seemed real enough that she had forgotten entirely that he had left with Pronyma and Colette, but had returned for them; he had released her from jail; he had only betrayed them to work against Cruxis from the inside; he was traveling with the group as though nothing had happened.

"Wouldn't want to," responded Sheena thickly, tightening her grip in something of a repeat of earlier that day. After she had unfairly exacted revenge on Zelos by punching every inch of him she could reach, encountering no resistance, Sheena had buried her head in Zelos's chest despite the fact that the rest of the group was there to see. She had found herself welcoming the way he had run his hands through her hair, and how he had bestowed a somewhat bloody kiss on the top of her head—and she had, in return, wiped away some of the blood on his mouth tenderly before remembering that they should have been rescuing Colette.

Sheena suddenly became aware that she was sitting on Zelos's lap, but at least he was wearing pants. Something told her that she should be embarrassed, but in light of her nightmare, all she could think of was how secure it was to be surrounded by his strength, and how she never wanted to be anywhere else but here. Giving a shuddering sigh, she closed her eyes, cuddling up to his shoulder exhaustedly.

"Are you all right? Do you need me to stay?" Zelos's voice was full of affectionate concern. Sheena smiled into his skin and applied all her limited force sideways, bringing them both to comfortable horizontality on her bed. She had finally realized everything he meant to her, and though she wasn't about to covet his presence beside her  _every_  night—nor was she about to jump into bed with him in any other sense, either—she was not going to let him go tonight. Not when she needed him this much.

"Got it, honey," said Zelos, lying on his back with a grin on his face. "I'll stay for a while. But don't blame me if I'm gone when you wake up. I'd really prefer  _not_ to be yelled at in the morning for seducing you." He chuckled the rich, genuine chuckle Sheena had so missed during her nightmare, and she rolled over to face him. She wasn't about to take the chance that he was joking.

" _Don't leave_ ," she ordered, scowling at him as she readjusted her position so that she lay on her stomach. To make sure Zelos couldn't get away without her noticing, she threw one arm awkwardly over his torso, curved the other one under his arm, rested her head on his shoulder, and curled a leg around one of his with determined stubbornness.  _Like hell you're leaving me alone again._

Zelos laughed softly. "I understand," he said, rolling onto his side, and settled a comforting arm around her waist. (Sheena made a muffled sound of discontent as her head was relocated to the pillow rather than his shoulder, and was kissed swiftly on the forehead as compensation.) "I'll stay as long as you need me to. In fact, I'll  _always_  be here for you, honey. Remember that."

"I will," mumbled Sheena sleepily, and as she felt Zelos's breathing become slower and more rhythmic in slumber, she was confident no nightmare could be bad enough to make her forget again.


End file.
